It’s been said that it takes about two weeks to establish a new habit… unless you’re like me. Stubborn to the core, resistant against anyone else having control of my life and an incredible urge to cross arms over chest while yelling:
I don’t wanna!
Or, another favorite is also “make me!”
To sum it up, any idea that pops up in my head, whether it’s good, bad, or ugly must come from me. People can suggest until they are blue in the face, but if I won’t even listen to Google Maps when it’s getting me to my appointment on time, what makes you think you have any better chance?
(Yet, for some ridiculous reason I’m surprised with Buddy and Bird ignore my advice in return. I really do need to get a handle on this expectation problem of mine. I mean, seriously!)
All in Good Time
I’m not one to trust in fate, or believe that I have no control on my life (as if the beginning didn’t show that). I am of the personal opinion the Divine is busy looking over everyone on the planet so they aren’t going to bother with the minor details. With that said, the big stuff happens not when you want it, but when you’re ready for it. Now, keep in mind that when you think you’re ready is not the same as when the Divine thinks you’re ready.
Classic example: The divorce, I had thought about starting the process for a few years off and on but fear kept me from doing it. It took my ex to start us on that path and that is how I found out that not only could I survive with the kids along for the ride, but that I’m better without him in my life in as minimum of a role as possible. Discussions between us revolve around the children and that’s it. Which works great for us. Well, for me. I assume for him a well due to the lack of complaining (not that I’d listen, but always amusing to watch).
I can give hundreds of others in my life from the birth of each child, to finding work, to… I’ll stop there, but you see my point.
Look, a cliff!
It has to start somewhere and if you’re anything like me, it probably means the edge of a cliff. “Hello, Mr. Cliff, how are you? Ready to catch me? No? Great! Let’s do this!”
Getting to that cliff though, for me at least, is the scary point because one of two things can happen at that point. You can either:
- Sail over it as if you had wings
- Hit rock bottom
The fear of the second option means it takes me twice as long than usual to decide to try. Worse, is that sometimes that bloody cliff is in front of me and I don’t even realize it (see classic example above for reference). It’s those where I’m chucked over without any control which I really hate.
Which then leads to the question that if I know this is my usual behavior pattern, why won’t I change it? The answer is simple, and I’m sure even the non-stubborn types more than likely feel the same way. When you’re to that point, it is only then that true change can be enacted.
Not forced, but embraced.
One, Two, THREE!
This is where my faith steps in. I firmly believe the Divine I believe in, that I worship and love with all my heart. I believe that when I take that jump, what is supposed to happen will. If I’m meant to fly, I will. There will be a few false starts, I’m sure, but we learn more from our mistakes than our successes after all.
By the same logic, if I’m meant to fall – I will. Why? Because clearly the path was wrong for me. Of course, the hard part is differentiating between them. Usually I base it on my gut and my heart to know which option I ended up with.
This journey, especially in the one where my habits are changing, the new diet and the exercise for example, comes down to a simple equation that ends with me. I’m looking to be a better person, not because of some personal expectation from others, bu because I feel the only way I can find happiness is to embrace the change heading my way.
Today was the first piece of proof that I am flying. An individual who I have always wondered why she and I don’t talk more often since we met a little over a year ago and I finally began to. What came from that discussion showed me that I’m out of my personal danger zone. That I’m no longer a closed book and stuck in a rut, but that I am capable of making connections with people again on a more than superficial manner.
I’ll grant our relationship is in the infancy stage, our first step was today, but sometimes the situation and the alignment feels right and that’s the case today. Change, it may be scary, but the benefits are real, almost solid.
So yes, the advice I may receive from others may cause me to pitch a tantrum, but if it’s the right message and if the method of delivery is persistent enough I’ll listen…